Much like the age old question of which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Many of the parents I see in my work as a family relationship author and trainer are not confident of their parenting skills and the children can sense their insecurity.
Those insecurities may stem from lack of role models in their youth, or that they want to over compensate for what they perceive are lacks in the family structure. They may feel that since there is divorce, financial problems, ADHD or other problems, it is easier to let the children get away with being angry, spoiled and demanding.
Parents are Teachers not Friends
Perhaps it may be easier short term to allow the kids to be in control or disrespectful, but it will cause multiple life problems for everyone if it is not curtailed. Angry Children make life miserable for everyone.
Parents are sometimes hesitant to talk about child behavior issues for fear of being judged by others. Many are not aware that most schools and many churches offer free or low cost parent training.
Children Need Consistent Boundaries
We all learn and behave better when we know what is expected of us and what is not going to be tolerated. When parents meet together in groups and discuss behavior issues, they will find clues, tips and ideas from other families and the leader of the class.
Parent training is not so much about what you are doing wrong, but on reclaiming your power and understanding how to work with your children to achieve a more cooperative home.
Empowered Parents - Well Behaved Kids
As you discover more ways to work together with respect, you may actually see your child reacting with anger and resistance. Stick to your guns. You are the parent and as the child sees that you are willing to change and grow in new ways, he or she will pick up on your behavior.
Change will not occur overnight and it may be a two steps forward, three steps back journey to a peaceful home. Give yourself some "atta - boys" for recognizing that what your family has done in the past needs to adjust and shift in order for problem kids to turn into peaceful partners towards a more respectful relationship. You will also want to use some encouraging phrases on the family to keep moving forward.